I saw my general practitioner last week, which was the first time I’d seen her since December 2010 when I went to her about the lump on my testicle. She referred me to a urologist and from there I just met with my oncologist/surgeon. I went to talk to her about several issues I’ve been having for a while now, like: fast heart rate which I can often feel pounding in my chest, the tremor in my hands, sleep problems, excessive fatigue, back/neck pain, stomach aches, and just generally feeling shitty.
Her and the psychiatrist I see think a lot of it could be tied to depression and anxiety, both of which I’ve had issues with for the better part of a decade now. So I switched up my antidepressant medication again to see if things improve overall. I’m sure some of it can be at least somewhat attributed to that but I don’t think it’s 100% that. The anxiety has definitely gotten worse since having cancer and it’s difficult to talk to people about that since nobody I know has had cancer. I will admit as well that I’ve become somewhat of a hypochondriac. Sometimes I look around online finding conditions that I’m halfway convinced I have or looking up symptoms of other cancers and seeing if I have any.
I’ve pretty much convinced myself I have what’s called “essential tremor” in my hands as I’ve actually had this slight tremor for as long as I can remember, though it got noticeably worse during chemo. It’s not a big deal I just don’t want it to get worse. I’m also suspicious that I might have some disorder akin to POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome) which is basically where your heart rate goes too high when standing and results in overall inefficiency in blood delivery…it’s kind of rare though so doctors want to rule most things out before looking into that.
Oh and while at the doctor they drew some blood to check my testosterone and thyroid levels, though I haven’t gotten the results back yet. The nurse remarked while trying to stick me that I had “the veins of an old man” and that I was “too young for veins like this”, which is of course likely due to the chemotherapy which I had via IV this time last year.
It has been almost exactly one year since I finished chemotherapy. July 25th 2011 was my last day of chemo infusion. It’s weird to think that it’s already been a year. In some ways it seems like a lifetime ago yet then again it’s something I never can forget about. It’s really strange looking back on pictures like the ones I just posted and sorting them all chronologically relative to the cancer. Like “oh this picture was just before I was diagnosed, this one just after my surgery, this one just before chemo” etc…
I think I’m starting to ramble so I’ll stop for now and if anything else seems worth mentioning I’ll do that later.